Its me, - Head of the (drum roll) Critique Department!
Sorry for the two month long delay in the critique department newsletter.
So far, we've critiqued 576 deviations thus far. And we've seen a big spectrum of works here. So today's going to be nothing more than a mosaic of the works which have been critiqued by the team.
Random selection from first page:
Bel Air of Red RosesWhen my time comes,
I will finally be free from the evil of this world.
I will be ready.
Take me to the Lord.
Please let me in,
Into the pearly white gates.
I want in,
To see the faces of my beloved.
I want to roam the golden paved streets,
Sing in harmony with the angels,
Live in the mansions.
I want to experience the foretold place.
Let me in the clouds,
The light mist of Bel Air.
Breathe in the fumes of holy,
And relax after the long, past life.
Do not deny me entrance,
I will not let this happen.
Gargoyles of stone,
Do not mock me.
Tilt head back,
Eye lids close,
Lay back. Please grant me my halo.
Da dam la di da,
Ah ah ah,
Dreams do come true.
Butterfly LoveThis is my memory of us.
I meet you.
The butterfly takes shape within the first clasp of our hands,
Molded unknowingly by our fingers,
Its early wings unwittingly cut out of our first startled glance.
Its body builds itself alive in our awareness of each other.
It wants to fly in fearful recognition
It briefly stutters into existence,
While we awkwardly talk at each other
And we make accidental and fleeting connections,
That we sever almost immediately.
It stills and waits when we look away
And it flares in a brief, passing touch.
Its wings unfurl unbearably in my chest
Struggling to burst out.
I cannot breathe because I can't stop smiling.
My hands are trembling
And so am I.
I feel we don't have together at the same time,
Even if we have each other in the same place.
We birth and destroy imaginary, separate swarms,
Flinging them outward and upward,
Their confused bodies with incomplete wings
Shredding into each other senselessly,
SummerIt is morning.
Your breath hums through me; I feel it
crashing against each of the hairs on my arm.
Your foot touches mine
in the darkness of bed.
Were I a younger man, I'd rouse you
with a storm of lips, bring you up
from sleep into the daytime.
I'd trickle fingertips across your stomach,
touching your face
until your eyes dawned against mine.
I'd sing to you, hoarse with affection
But I am not a younger man;
I see you at rest, and
I am at rest.
I lie in wait to watch for daylight
to fill you up and bring you to me.
LoveWhat does love mean to you?
Love is a bond that doesn't break,
No matter the stress,
Or whatever the stakes.
It's a bond of trust and love,
Where care is easily found,
And on that day where hearts meet,
Together you are bound.
Days, months, years later,
On that altar fine,
Those few words that you will never forget are said,
"You may kiss the bride."
A life of love,
And a love of life,
Together you'll stand,
And together you'll get through all of life's strife.
No matter what happens,
No matter what life does,
You'll be together,
Just like two doves.
SurrenderThere are words I don't recognize
on the walls of my contentment.
I'm not sure what language they're in
or who wrote them, but I do know
that they say something about surrender.
I've given up more times
than I've given anything else.
That’s how you found me. Curled up,
knees to my chest, trembling. And you
in your good nature mistook my weakness
Random selection from second page:
midnight aches and inside strangersevery night
I wake up to strangers
kept in the
depths of my
of the fears
the dearest dreams
these are the cups
in my sorrows
in the riverbed
of a throat
from the vine garden
They are the ones
in my blood
shuddering my bones
There's no fright.
only a contortionist
folding and unfolding
in my chest
while the moon
my sky's pendant,
and just listens.
Can I?Can I see your face like clearer skies on sunny days?
Can I hear your words like those blowing tender winds?
Can I hear your whispers like the crisper leaves on Autumn months?
Can I feel your skin as soft as smoother grass?
Can I feel your tears like a rainy day?
Can I see your face again to wipe away those pouring tears?
Can I hear your cries, so I can sever all the lies?
Can I hear your screams, so I can fix them in our dreams?
Can I feel your wrath, so I can change my path?
Can I feel your pain, so I can rid of me this bane?
Can I tell you all my guilt?
Can I tell you all the nightmares that persisted from my guilt?
Can I tell you all the sorrow that I feel, as I watch you breaking down from all the quarrels that we had?
Can I touch you once again, so I can feel the strength that gives me all the power that I need?
Can I touch you once again, that I can break away the chains that hold the truer man inside me?
Can I ask you once again for your forgiveness?
Can I have anoth
i hide behind
a brittle spell which smells
of ash and sunlight
blank desire sires
On the CouchSymptom one:
A penchant for setting up situations that put me on the run;
A distinct inability to bounce back
From both personal and justified attacks;
Of responsibility or
Desire to face the poor
Decisions that put me in the poor house;
A tendency to comply when crying friends say, “Ignore us.”
A bad habit of sniffing Krazy Glue
Then taking my boots off and stomping around the chicken coop;
An effected detachment from reality
Guaranteed by liberal application of low-volume TV
As the background noise and color of a much larger, more important scheme
And enjoy approximately 12 hours of wine-and-rum dreams.
A pair of bruised and bloody knees
Garnered from a day of hard work of falling to them to please—
Well, everyone, it seems.
Not that they ever asked me for subservience
Or even courtesy in any way;
That's just the kind of guy I am, I'd say.
Difficulty finding topics of conversation that don't bore,
The Rangers last standBullets flying through the air
Explosions rippling the sky
Rifles cracking the night
Enemies in my sights
Waiting seemingly in line
As our lives meet our deadline
Lover in my arms
Kids around my feet
This is why I die
So that they would all
Have the time to live
Even if we soldiers
Must give up our lives
A ricochet brings me back up to speed
My comrades line up right next to me
Who are all making fellow sacrifices
So that their families will continue on
Just like mine
As the invaders press on
We hold our own
Even as we fall one by one
We were never alone
A bullet went right through me
Blood blossoming out my chest
Numbing cold eliminates my heat
Falling down to the earth
I pray to God a few things
That my loved ones shall be safe
That our sacrifice shall not be in vain
And that even if I die today
I'm proud to say
That we Rangers went all the way
Random selection from third page:
Tell me you're joking.We are not binary stars
Destined to revolve around each other
Even after death.
We don't have dragon hearts,
And eyes of galaxies
Consumed by fire.
We don't even have lovely, lonely, sailor bones.
We're just a car crash in the middle of somewhere
Carcasses fallen long ago in the dirt
Dream dust flowing from cuts all over.
But we still keep walking
And walking,and walking.
I've forgotten how to taste the sea
And sleep within the moon.
All I can remember
Is that the stars
And that I knew
Once upon a time,
That there was a difference
Between being dead
her colors all run togetherher heart was naked as paper, until colors started to stain it.
& the colors were beautiful at first, but they began to blend into a black despair
that now weighs down on her chest to the point were she can
this immense darkness ran through the flume of her veins & bled out
through her pores until all of her dreams, her hopes,
& all the love she ever had
was all covered in black.
& she wants to wash it away, this darkness, but instead she pretends to be ok;
painting a smile over her face.
& it's hard to pretend to see the beautiful things
when all you can see,
all you can feel, &
ALL YOU CAN BREATHE
is a black despair you can't seem to remember not being there in your heart.
when she paints, she fills the canvas with colors;
the colors she wishes she could feel, the kind she sees in everyone else,
but then she runs the colors all together
until there is only black.
until the canvas
She knowsHow to seduce a woman
How to please a woman
How to treat a woman
And how to love a woman
She definitely knows
Being a gentleman, so retro
Being a hero also too vintage
Being a charmer but losing a temper
Being a great lover not every man can
She knows how to touch me
Knows how to make me smile
She knows how to love me
How to make my eyes shine
Woman to woman, being gentle
Woman to woman, being in love
Woman to woman, being simple
Heart to heart beat in unison
How to make me feel special
How to make me feel needed
How to make me feel pleasure
How to make me feel loved
She definitely knows…
Fate be damned.personally,
i can’t see myself with
the milky way embedded in my
bones, much less my heart. it
sure would be nice to wish upon a
star for our happy ending, but i think
my prince charming just
i am a phantom
stitched into my
lips and rose petals
inked into my skin.
bones would like to
whisper “i love you”
in every language of
because fate may
not exist and it’s
high time i form
my own destiny.
electrolytes She is
off winter blue satellites orbiting
on ruptures in his arteries and wisteria
drenching his senses [clawing] dirt neath her
nails, trembling skeletal structures as
the stars scream in [unbalance]
churning mythology and
Random selection from fourth page:
NaPoWriMo Day 8Fine Autumn had come, coloured the leaves red;
Winter tethered a kiss upon her cheek,
as Constellations crept upon her bed.
Upward a crop of clouds, white misty streaks.
A way, a spark of sun, had not have fled
for wonders burst too fine and pure to speak.
Each season falls to greet the next in flow
as oceans freeze and crystal petals grow.
A place to lay my headSo far I have traveled
So much blood has been shed
but all I'm really after is
A place to lay my head
The weather is frightful
and the roads plagued with danger
I failed to add to a solution
Completely driven by my anger
But I am not the same
I'm not the man i was before
I promise to have changed
no longer living by the sword
If I can not convince you,
Allow me just one full night of peace
Just a mattress and a cover
and maybe a little something to eat
For tomorrow is a new day
"A warrior's nightmare", my father said
"As every day is a new journey for
A place to lay your head."
BabbleOften spoken like amateurs
and dabblers, blowhards
who feed on mediocrity.
that fool fools with
The unknowing patterns
like a self-centered narcissist,
tattered fantasies that
keeps on going
like a travesty.
to every fallacy.
was made from the same twine
Dad uses to keep the plants
in the yard from drooping to their
knees, but still
I gripped it with two firm hands
and prayed it would not unravel
like the fine threads that
used to make up my mind.
I am driven to insanity
by the heavy thump of
Minotaur's hooves on the
sandy floor, cursed to the
darkest corner of Tartarus
for daring to look over
The ceiling curves downward
until it meets the floor. Where
is the bottle labeled
must have made this maze
for mice (and
some punk on Red Bull)
Let Me Tell You A StoryLet Me Tell You A Story
A little girl once walked though the world,
and the world let her keep her head up high.
Soon she found out that if she bent her head only a little,
the world would let her skip.
She skipped and skipped until one day she discovered that when she fell,
bending it down just a slight bit lower eased the pain.
Pressure built as she traveled through her years,
until she discovered by bending just a little bit lower, the pressure was easier to handle.
Every time something became too much she would bend just a little lower,
the change not because she was beat down, but because she succumbed.
Now she falls down into a sweeping bow, shoulders drooped, eyes lowered, head fixed on the floor,
when the world decides to let her look up again.
The air allows for her to rise the same amount she fell when she was young,
before the last gust knocks her to her knees.
No other time before now has she known what a mistake the first fall was,
but no other time before now did she appr
Random selection from fifth page:
Grounded HeartsChapter One
Dubai, pearl of the Persian Gulf, a modern metropolis, is famous for its oil and free trade zone. It is situated in far North-East of the United Arab Emirates. In cosmic view the city has a form of a short, but very wide strip stretching throughout the coast of the Gulf.
The city is divided by a creek in two parts: Old Dubai or, as the people call it, Deira and New Dubai, which arose from sand in less than a decade. To the North from Dubai stands a city named Sharjah, the capital of another emirate.
Here prices are low and life is luxury. You can call the city "heaven". Skyscrapers, shopping centers, souks, restaurants, fast-food chains, bazaars and others can be found in this oil rich oasis. There are many modern famous places people visit here, like Burj-Khalifa, the highest building ever built, artificial islands called “The World” and “Palm Islands”, Dubai Mall Aquarium, Atlantis Hotel and ect. Traders often visit the Gold Souk. It is obvio
LifeA Day, A Night
A Fading Light
A Dream, A Fight
Passion for Flight
A Tear of Pain
A Sorry Delight
In The Hands of A Force Unknown
Life is still
Like a Rolling Stone
Precious BloodRed tears fall to the ground,
blood-red rain covering the surroundings.
An Angel's tears, precious blood,
Wasted on mankind, the poison on Earth.
Her wings crossed,
protecting her against the evil outside,
forgetting the evilness she let in her heart.
She's crying, letting her tears fall.
She weeps her precious blood for the useless mankind.
Gabriel's sword's gonna taste blood tonight,
blood harvested from mankind.
The Sacred Reaper watching, filled with hatred, over man.
Sleep, My City. I don't knowI don't know the exact time
But it's fairly late at night.
Hidden by the shadows,
Street people disguised.
Cold air chills my skin.
Window open, letting the world in.
Audible shouts of strangers
Muffled by city wind.
My inspiration isn't there.
Breathing in this filthy air.
Notebook in lap.
But my mind hardly cares.
Perhaps I'll crawl in bed.
Every idea I had is dead.
Lay my head down.
And get some sleep instead.
Happy submitting, folks. We're happy to serve Cheers.